


Wherever You Will go

by Black_Widow007



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Artist Steve Rogers, Caring Steve Rogers, Crime Fighting, Depression, F/M, Falling In Love, Hurt Steve Rogers, Love, Natasha Romanoff is depressed, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha romanoff is so trustworthy, One True Pairing, Physical Abuse, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve rogers is in love, Suicide, True Love, Why does everything hurt, indoctrination, romanogers - Freeform, romanogers fluffathon, steve rogers cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-17 11:17:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17559362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Widow007/pseuds/Black_Widow007
Summary: The epic tale of falling in love but being in the wrong business for such things. Natasha and Steve harbor a secret relationship from the rest of the Avengers, but nothing ever goes as planned.





	1. The Art of Chasing Something You Can’t Have

**Author's Note:**

> Set after Captain America: Winter Soldier but before Age of Ultron. The work title and the chapter titles are totally tentative and constructive criticism is always welcome! Have fun, kiddos.

Natasha Romanoff strode into the ad hoc Avengers base - a small, inconspicuous factory on the outskirts of New York City. Having just finished an undercover mission, she wore a knee-length dress with a black and white striped felt top and a solid white skirt which appeared to button on at her hip. Her outfit was complete with a pair of red heels matching with her vibrant red hair. She made her way through the building, her heels clicking and hips swaying with each step. Entering the “conference room,” all eyes set upon her.

“On a date, Miss Romanoff?” Tony playfully asked.

“You could call it that.” she smirked. She noticed Steve staring at her with a strange look in his eyes - that of confusion. She brushed it off and sat beside Clint at the table, starting to remove her earrings.

At the front of the room, Fury paced back and forth. Eventually he announced, “Since S.H.I.E.L.D has been compromised, we have had a lot of work piling up and so we have some catching up to do. So, let’s start with Stark and Banner. We recently acquired some tech that you should take a look at. Any advancements right now would be a blessing. Get going.”

“Could be fun,” Tony shrugged as he and Bruce left. 

Fury continued, “Next, Agent Barton. Here is a file about a pirate organization that seems to have their eyes on some forbidden fruit. Go do some recon and take ‘em out if you can.” He handed the file to Clint as he exited the room. “Finally, Agents Barton and Roger. You have experience with Hydra having just fought them so I wanted to let you have this mission - for revenge let’s say. There is a Hydra base of operations not far from here. Clear out all members and save any hostages. Keep your ear pieces in, this could get hairy.” Steve walked out, but before Natasha had the chance to leave, Fury stopped her, whispering to her, “Save any tech and information.” He handed her a flash drive and she slipped out of the room. 

Natasha armed herself with two pistols and she started to embark to the mission. Steve stopped her, “aren’t you gonna change?”

“No. Are you?” she retorted, referring to his casual shirt and pants. 

“No. I just thought…” he was at a loss for words.

“You thought I look to pretty to fight some bad guys. Well, I can do that wearing anything. Let’s go.” Natasha toyed with Steve.

They hailed a cab since the Hydra base was only about 25 miles away. Steve was silent for the whole ride as he was absorbed in thought. Looking out the window, he questioned if Natasha once again had a different task than him. Could he trust her to not ruin this whole mission, but then what reason did he have to not trust her? She proved herself through that whole crusade against Hydra, and, if anything, she should want to repay her previous shortcomings and his kindness in saving her. But before he could think any deeper into the situation, they arrived. The Hydra base was underwhelming to say the least. It was a fairly small bricked building in the middle of almost nowhere. It was also supposedly “for sale” as a sign on the front lawn claimed. Natasha scoped out the whole building, finding no signs of a potential stealthy entrance.

Steve, getting impatient, said, “I got this,” and he busted in the front door with his foot. He covered his body with his shield, peeking his eyes over it to see where he was going. Natasha creeped in behind Steve, staying behind him and his shield. Hearing the commotion, a few men shuffled down the main corridor, guns in hands. Steve charged them, his shield still firmly in front of him. He attacked one man, and then another, and another, taking them out in droves. Down a side, corridor, Natasha noted another group of men trying to flank them. She quickly rushed over to them, propelling herself off the wall and onto on of them. Skillfully, she knocked one man over into another man, and the whole group toppled like dominoes. She removed one of her pistols from her thigh holster and ended each one of them without mercy. Natasha pressed down her ear piece, calling to Steve to say, “I’ll search the east side of the building and you search the west.”

“Roger. Out.” Steve responded.

Steve carefully made his way down the hall, breaching every door he came upon with no sign of hostages or any more men. Finally he opened a door towards the very end of the hall. Inside he found 3 people - a family with a man, a woman, and a child - strapped down to medical tables, each unconscious - test subjects. He called Natasha, “got hostages over here. Looks like Hydra has been doing some human testing. We have to get them out.”

“I’m on my way.” Natasha lied. She was still clearing rooms and intended to finish doing so. A room to her left appeared to be a lab of some sort, holding various chemicals and computers. There had to be something in there for her to sink her teeth into. She searched what she assumed to be the central computer. “There you are,” she whispered to herself as she found large database of info. “Mine now.” 

But as she was occupied, a man in the back of the room shot at her. He wasn’t a very good shot as he hit her leg, but the damage was done. Natasha fell to the ground, turning to face her enemy. She quickly whipped out her other pistol and shot at him before he could react. Natasha climbed to her feet, blood leaking out of her wound. She groaned in pain as she grabbed the flash drive and left to make her way to Steve. She reached Steve with the help of adrenaline and she tried to act normal, not wanting him to worry about her when there were hostages to take care of. Steve remarked, “took you long enough.” 

“I got a little caught up. Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“I heard gunshots, everything alright?” Steve asked.

“Fine.” She followed him into the room. She observed all of the hostages. It was a sight that would likely be filed into the database of disturbing things in her brain. At this point in her life, she was too world-weary to react to even the worst monstrosities. They unbuckled all the straps, freeing all of the subjects. Faintly, she heard footsteps outside the room and she quickly alerted Steve. But his reaction was too late. A man had already entered holding a machine gun. He fired the gun right at Steve. Time seemed to pass in slow motion for Natasha who watched as each bullet zoomed through the air and straight into Steve’s torso. Natasha couldn’t think about what to do. This was the first time in a long time her mind had gone blank. Finally she snapped out of her trance just as the man moved his gun to face Natasha. She felt a wave of anger over her and she knew in that moment that she didn’t just need to kill that man, but she wanted to. She quickly dived out of the way and, charging the man, she jumped onto the man’s shoulders as she kicked the gun from his hands. With her legs, she pulled the man down. Grabbing his machine gun, she discharged the rest of the clip into his body. When she was done, she seemed to remember Steve and she ran over to him. 

She shook him, trying to get him to wake up. She felt for a pulse and she sighed when she felt a very faint one. She tried to use her ear piece to call to Fury, but it was gone. It must have fallen out and she hardly had time to find it. She paused, not knowing what to do. Suddenly, a sharp pain ran down her entire right leg and she remembered the gunshot wound she had. Natasha quickly grabbed Steve’s ear piece and used it to call to Fury. “Fury, it’s Romanoff. Steve is down and I need help getting him out. Send help.”

“Roger. Get him out of the building in case there are more enemies.” Fury said.

“Hurry.” she said. Her head was fuzzy from the blood loss. She clinged desperately to her consciousness as she sat Steve up and pulled him up to her chest, dragging him to the exit. Once she reached the exit, she continued to drag Steve outside to a small hideout in the underbrush. She sat next to Steve, the pain taking over her whole body. Just as she saw Tony flying in the iron man suit towards them, she called out to him. Tony landed near them, ready to haul Steve back to base. Natasha informed, “he was shot...a lot.” 

Tony placed Steve in a random street car and Natasha got in by herself. Tony grabbed the car and flew it with haste back to the base. Natasha laughed, the pain starting to blur her mind, “doesn’t this seem a little unnecessary?”

“It’s the fastest way to get you both back safely.” Tony said, pushing himself to keep the car in his grip. 

When they made it back, Tony carried Steve into the building as Natasha limped behind them. Fury greeted them, directing Tony to take Steve to Bruce. “What went wrong?”

“We were caught off guard trying to rescue…” she just remembered the hostages that she had left back at the base.

“Rescue who?” Fury questioned.

“The hostages. How could I forget the hostages? I need to go back and get them.” she said, feeling so guilty that the pain was now nonexistent.

Fury noticed blood pouring from her leg. “Are you hurt?” he was worried.

“I think I got shot a while ago.” she collapsed. With her last remaining bits of consciousness, she pulled out the hard drive she stored in one of her holsters and handed it to Fury as she said, “I got this.” and she passed out.  
Fury observed the hard drive, realizing what Natasha had sacrificed to get this information. He picked up the spy and brought her to Banner. Fury turned to Tony and said, “they left hostages back at the Hydra base. Go get them.”

Tony took off his mask just to show Fury that he was rolling his eyes and he left.

Steve awoke to the sight of Natasha looming over him, her majestic green eyes filled with worry. He stared into her eyes, seeing the genuine concern she had for him. He didn’t even know she had genuine anything. It was that moment that he felt something stronger between himself and her than the bond of teammates. “Where are we?” he asked, trying to sit up, but falling back down in pain.

“Somewhere safe.” she replied, helping him sit up.

He moaned in pain before realizing, “you saved me.”

“Well, I had help. You are really heavy.” she laughed, their eyes connecting again. She saw the way he looked at her. It was different from this morning. It was no longer a look of confusion, it was that of longing.

Suddenly, Steve remembered, “the hostages?”

“Safe. Tony got them after I hauled your ass outta there.” the guilt rose in her once more. She was responsible for those people and she let them down and for what? For her teammate?

They stopped talking. They spoke only with their eyes, maintaining that eye contact for a long time. Deep down she felt a little flutter in her heart, but she quashed that feeling, breaking eye contact with Steve and letting her gaze fall to the floor. Steve felt the same thing, though. He felt like he was soaring free, a bird with anywhere to go but nowhere to be. He wanted to express how he felt for Natasha but was afraid of the rejection that might follow. But he had to do something. He couldn’t let something as potentially great as this slip out of his hands. “I love you.”


	2. Crazy Little Thing Called Love (and some depression)

Natasha stared at Steve, wondering if what she had just heard was real. She felt overloaded with emotions but was unsure of which one was her actual reaction. Was she happy, sad, angry? More importantly, did she love him too? Before she could say anything, Steve told, “you don’t have to say anything. It was stupid of me to say such things.”

Natasha acted like nothing had just happened as she said, “well, you know the good thing about being injured? Getting time off.”

Suddenly, Tony waltzed in announcing, “Fury finally came to his senses about using Stark tower for our base. We are all moving. Everybody say your goodbyes to this building and head outside.” He started to walk out but stopped. “Oh and Steve, be grateful that I did your job for you in getting those hostages out thanks to your forgetful girlfriend here.” He gestured aggressively to Natasha.

Steve stood up, walking towards Tony with whatever strength he could muster. “You don’t talk about her like that.” Steve was angry, gritting his teeth and trying to prevent himself from punching Tony in the jaw. 

“Oh I’m sorry did I insult your girl.” Tony laughed slightly.

Steve glared at Tony. Steve punched him square in the face, knocking Tony to the ground, blood oozing from his nose. 

Tony kept going, “Be careful with this one, Natasha. He’s aggressive.” He said cynically as he exited the room.

Natasha walked up to Steve, reaching her arms out to help him sit back down, but he only pushed her away with force. Natasha felt a little scared at the moment. The only thing that really scared her was her teammates getting angry, especially Bruce, but everyone was strong and capable of a lot of destruction.

The car ride was tense, everyone sitting in silence, not wanting cuts to run deeper than they already did. Natasha sat next to Clint, across from Steve. She looked down at the floor, but every once in a while she would look up at Steve. 

Steve noticed Natasha looking at him. He knew definitively that what he felt towards her was love. He had fallen for something he couldn’t have and he hadn’t yet accepted that fact. Knowing that Natasha would never feel the same way angered him. He was disheartened, and yet he knew it wasn’t her fault. If anything it was his fault.

When they reached Stark tower, Natasha helped Steve inside, aiding him in sitting down on a couch in the lobby. Natasha mentioned, “you remember how I said we have time off?”

Steve nodded.

“How about we go see a movie?” Natasha proposed, longing to still be friends. 

Steve was silent for a moment before saying, “fine. But I get to choose what we watch.” The pair laughed as they travelled to a movie theater conveniently located in Stark Tower.

They sat in the empty theater watching Frozen. Natasha sat directly next to Steve as her eyes were fixated on the screen. Steve half watched the movie and half watched Natasha. He loved her so much, too much. But as the movie went on and on, Natasha drifted off into sleep. She was exhausted from everything and she felt like she hadn’t slept in years. Slowly, her body leaned towards Steve’s as her eyes gradually closed. Finally, her head settled on Steve’s shoulder. Steve was nervous, thinking he should wake her up, but then he felt content. He understood that she would have to have a lot of trust to fall asleep near somebody and so he left her to sleep as he continued watching the movie.

Natasha opened her eyes, groggy after her nap. Lifting her head, she realized she was using Steve’s shoulder as a pillow. Steve laid back against the theater chair, sound asleep. Natasha stood and stretched, looking at a nearby clock to see that it was nearly 5 pm. Suddenly, a voice came from the entrance of the room. It was Tony who snorted, “so, girlfriend then?”

“Drop it, Tony. We’re not together.” Natasha was not in a playful mood.

“Could’ve fooled me.” His arms were crossed as he leaned on the door frame.

“Keep talking and you’ll regret it.” Natasha was aggressive.

“Ooh I am so scared,” Tony laughed. “Later sweetheart.” He blew a kiss as he walked away.

Natasha turned to find Steve, still sleeping. Without a sound, she left the room, going to the gym to work off some tension. She grabbed a jump rope off the wall and started jump roping, being careful not to hit her leg wound. She started off slow, but as she kept remembering the events of the past two days, the jump rope started moving faster and faster and faster. She stopped, falling to her knees in defeat. Everything just became too much. Her emotions flooded over her like a tsunami after they had been suppressed for so long. She didn’t know what to think about anything anymore. Everything was just too heavy and the whole contraption that was the world was toppling down on her.

But as she laid on the ground, tears pushing their way out of her eyes, Steve entered the room and rushed to help her. “Are you alright?” his voice trembled with worry.

“I’m fine.” she managed to get out.

“Are you in pain? What’s the matter?” he sat her up, placing his hand on her back in support.

“It’s nothing. It’s stupid.” she told.

“If something makes you this upset, it’s not stupid.” he said, his eyes meeting hers once again. She felt that same fluttery feeling in her heart. She wasn’t sure what it meant. All she knew was that it felt...strange. 

She tried to avoid talking about her feelings as she said, “why are you here anyway? It seems like you’re following me.”

“I’ll go wherever you will go.” He lovingly said.

She broke eye contact yet again as a wave of calm passed over her. She almost never felt comfortable around people, but with him it was different. She trusted him.

“C’mon, let’s get you up,” he grabbed her hands, pulling her to her feet and helping over to a chair. He sat beside her, they both stared at the wall in front of them. “So, tell me what’s going on?” he asked, still not facing her.

She never opened up to anybody, except for Clint. But she felt an attraction between herself and Steve and so she took a big risk in telling how she really felt. “I just feel like nothing is worth it. I feel like the world would just be better if...if I weren’t in it.”

Steve looked at her, concern blanketing his whole face. “Nat. You are so needed by everyone in this world. Hell, if you hadn’t been there back at the Hydra base, I would be dead right now.”

“Feeling is hard, Steve. How do other people do this all the time?” she pondered, tears making their way down her cheeks.

“It’s always hard. Emotions are complicated. You just gotta focus on the good things.” In his mind, he knew he focused on the good things in life. He focused on her.

They were silent as Natasha contemplated what he had said. She looked at the time - 7:02 pm. “I think I’m gonna go to bed and figure all this out.” she put on a fake smile as she walked out. But Steve, vigilant as ever, followed her.

Down the hall, Natasha spotted Pepper Potts. Natasha approached, wiping the tears off her cheeks, trying to look normal. “Hey, Pepper. Where can a girl get some sleep around here?” she smiled.

“Oh, hi, Natasha. Follow me.” Pepper led Natasha to an upper floor holding a whole hallway of rooms. “Just choose a bed and fall in it.” 

Steve followed behind them, also wanting to go to sleep in an actual bed instead of a chair. Natasha chose a random room towards the end of the hall. “‘Night.” she said, taking her leave from Steve. But he was still concerned for her so he chose the room next to hers.

Natasha laid in the small twin bed rethinking everything yet again. Why did the world have to be such a monster? And why did it have to make her a monster? Eventually, she fell asleep, wanting to just forget everything, at least for a short time in the embrace of sleep.

But even this could not be so. Natasha awoke screaming. She sat up quickly, her fists grasping the bed sheets. The door to her room flung open and she couldn’t help but shrink in fear. But it was only Steve who rushed in. “Are you okay?”

She was still breathing heavily when she asked, “what are you doing here?”

“I heard you screaming.” he told.

She stared at him. Why did he care so much about her? “It was just a nightmare. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m good.” she said.

“Oh. Well, if you need anything, I’m right next door.”

“Ok.” she nodded as he began to walk away. “Actually,” she began. “I know this may be a weird thing to ask, and you don’t have to say yes. But do you think you can lay with me? At least until I fall back asleep?” 

He turned to face her again. A gentle smile came upon his face. “Of course.” He closed the door to her room and climbed onto the small bed with her. They both laid on polar opposite sides of the bed. But as the minutes went by, Natasha inched closer and closer to him. Eventually, she landed in his arms. He held her close, rubbing her back until she was lulled back to sleep.

When Natasha opened her eyes, sunlight flooded into her room through the thin white curtains. She looked up to see Steve, looking down at her. “Mornin’,” he said, a little chuckle in his voice.  
“Hi.” she responded, realizing she had been grasping his shirt with her left hand. She released his shirt, “sorry.”

“It’s okay.” he responded, smiling lightly.

She stared at him. He had seen her through all this bad and yet he was still here? The flutter returned, but this time she embraced it. “I...I think I love you.”


	3. So This is Love

Natasha continued to stare at Steve. After saying those words, it was like her whole world changed. It was no longer dull. The colors were brighter, the sun was warmer, everything was just good. So this is love. After a moment of uninterrupted silence, Natasha reached up and placed a small kiss on Steve’s soft lips. Once they parted, Steve looked into Natasha’s eyes. He saw for the first time an authenticity in Natasha. He pulled her close and kissed her more. Their lips were locked for a while, their tongues battling each other in their mouths as they held hands lovingly. An alert beeped on Natasha’s phone, and the pair paused to see what it was about. Natasha informed, “I have to go.”

“I’ll miss you.” he said as she got up out of the bed, her hands slowly sliding away from Steve’s until eventually they separated. Natasha left without another word. As she made her way down the hall, a large smile covered her whole face and she felt her cheeks get warmer and warmer.

But she kept her composure as she entered a large room with Fury sitting at a desk. “I wanted to talk about that mission, with Hydra. We never discussed the mission details.” Fury said.

Natasha took a seat, quiet for a moment as she thought about what she could possibly say about it. “Steve and I entered the building, cleared out all,” she stopped herself, “or what we thought was all of the enemies. I found the data and Steve found hostages. We were caught off guard and Steve got hurt. That what you want?”

Fury sensed that she didn’t want to talk about the mission. He sensed it was too soon. “Very well. Just take some time to recover.” He seemed as though he wanted to say more but refrained from doing so.

Natasha left, feeling a bit confused about what just happened. She quickly walked back to her room, desperately wanting Steve to still be there. But before she reached the hall, she was cut off by Bruce who said, “Hey, Nat. I know you’re taking a break and everything, but could you come look at this computer. I know you are good with the things and, frankly, I don’t want to ask Tony for help.”

Natasha wanted to go see Steve, but knew it would seem strange if she rushed off without helping Bruce, “Sure.”

Natasha accessed the computer and fixed the problem. As soon as she was done, she ran off to her room, nearly sprinting to avoid any more distractions. She reached the room and entered slowly. But when she reached the bed, Steve was gone, probably off to do some work of his own. She sighed, feeling a little sad that he had left. She laid on the bed, hoping he would show up just to be there with her. She waited and waited, but nothing. 

Finally, someone entered the room, calling out, “Nat?”

She recognized the voice to be that of Clint. “In here” she said. Clint moseyed in and sat beside her on the bed. 

“How are you holding up?” he asked.

“I’m really good actually.” she told.

Clint smiled, loving the times when Natasha was happy. It seemed to only get more rare as time goes by. “Good. I -” Clint droned on, but Natasha zoned out, thinking about Steve.

Suddenly, Steve appeared behind Clint. Natasha noticed him, saying “oh hi, Steve.”

Steve tried to think of something to say and ended up asking, “hey, Nat, can I see you in private for a second?” his face was serious, business-like.

“Sure thing.” She turned to look at Clint and said, “sorry. We’ll talk later. Tell the fam I said hi.” She left the room with Steve and as they walked down the hall, he nudged her into a little broom closet. He stood tall before her, his hands placed firmly on her hips. As he stared into her eyes, he told in little above a whisper, “I love you.”

“Hush.” she said. “Do you know what Fury would think if he found out we were together.”

“Oh, we’re together?” he giggled.

“Well, I just...assumed-” she turned away, thinking she just ruined everything.

He smiled as he took his hand and turned her face towards his. “Yeah. we’re together.”

She giggled, loving the idea.There was a time when she firmly believed that love was a fallacy, a myth. But now she understood. She stood on her toes to reach Steve’s face and she kissed him with passion. It was the kind of kiss she had definitely been saving up. Not a kiss she used as an act, the kind that showed genuine love. It was the kind of kiss one could only perform if they were truly touched by love’s blessed hand. And Steve understood that. 

Steve pulled away, struck by inspiration. He led Natasha by the hand to the room housing all his stuff. With haste, Steve grabbed his sketchbook and a sharpened pencil. He told Natasha to sit down and he soon began to draw her face. “Why are you doing this?” she wondered.

“You’re too beautiful to not do this.” he said.

A half hour passed and Steve was finally done. He showed the completed image to her for her approval. “It looks like me. That may mean that’s its ugly. I don’t know.” she said.

He slapped her lightly on the arm. “You are not ugly.” he laughed with her as they further admired his art.

 

Weeks passed and Steve and Natasha were getting stronger and stronger. Natasha was just about fully recovered and Steve was only a few days away. They sat in his room just talking to each other when Steve proposed, “do you want to go for a run?” 

“I’ll leave you in the dust,” she replied.

As they stood outside, ready to run, Steve said, “first to 5 miles wins.”

“Only 5 miles? What is this, a leisurely stroll?” she laughed.

“I figured I’d lower the distance as your handicap.” he retorted.

As Natasha yelled go, the pair raced around the block over and over again. The race was neck in neck for a while as they both sprinted as fast as they could. At the last stretch, Steve started to slow down as Natasha only got faster. Crossing the imaginary finish line, Natasha cheered in celebration of her victory.

Steve approached her, breathless. “I was going easy on ya.”

“Keep telling yourself that, big guy.” she chuckled as they both entered Stark tower. They hid in a small unoccupied room. Closing the shades, Steve pushed Natasha gently against the wall, kissing up and down her neck. 

“I love you,” Steve said between kisses. He made it his mission to say those three words at least once a day to Natasha just to remind her that someone was there for her through thick and thin. Come what may. And she would always respond with that same old cliche, “I love you more.” 

“What’s say we go back to your room and get some sleep.” Steve said as it was already nearly midnight. 

“Fine, but if anyone comes in, you’re hiding under the bed.” she smiled as they accompanied each other to their rooms. Steve entered his room and waited about 5 minutes - the longest 5 minutes of his life - to exit and go into Natasha’s room. He laid on the bed beside her. They grew to actually appreciate the twin sized bed, it kept them close. Natasha curled up into his arms and the pair drifted into a nice slumber. 

Natasha awoke to see Fury looming at the entrance of the bedroom. She whispered to not wake Steve up, “what are you doing in here?” Her tone was angry.

Fury gestured her to follow him into the hallway. She obeyed, exiting the room as quietly as possible. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he was very clearly mad.

“It’s not what it looks like.” she defended herself.

“Oh but it is. You’re clearly dallying with Rogers. Does this place seem like college or something?” Fury whisper yelled.

Natasha’s head was down. She knew she screwed up by letting Steve sleep in her room. She was usually more cautious than that. She replied, “it’s nothing. It’s just an infatuation.”

“Well, the infatuation will end. You will break off your relationship with Rogers. Do you even realize what your relationship could do to missions. Well, I’ll tell you. It could very well compromise every single one you work together on.” Fury stormed off, not letting Natasha get in another word.

She stood, not knowing what to do in this situation. She loved Steve deeply and she couldn’t just end it like it was nothing. She went back into her room only to see Steve getting up from the bed. She leaned her back against the door, and hit the back of her head against it in frustration. Her whole world seemed to start crumbling yet again, but she had to stay strong. She couldn’t let Steve know what just happened.


	4. Natasha Can Never Have Nice Things...Ever

Steve approached Natasha, a smile adorning his face, “everything ok?”

She acted happy, as if her whole world wasn’t just shattered into a million bits. “It’s great with you here.” She reached up and kissed him. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his waist. She didn’t want to let go, fearing this kiss could be the last.

Steve pulled his face away from hers, naive to the situation they were in. His hands were still planted on her hips. “Did you hear about the party Tony’s throwing tonight?”

“Who hasn’t?” she said, her smiling fading as thoughts of losing Steve, losing these moments, continued to invade her mind. 

Before she knew it, Steve whisked her off her feet. Holding her close to him, he asked, “could you be my date?”

A frown soon appeared on her face. Fury would surely be there, and he would definitely be on the lookout for them after this morning. Steve, noticing her upset look, assured her, “we would just be ‘friends.’ Nobody will notice a thing.”

A fake smile lit up her face as he set her gently on the ground. “It’s a date then.” If this was to be her last romantic moments with Steve, she was going to savor every minute of it. Their foreheads touched as they softly swayed to the calming song of their love. 

“I love you,” he whispered intimately into her ear, but this time, she didn’t reply.

 

They each got dressed for the party in their own rooms, wanting to surprise each other. The dress code was casual, but Natasha always wanted to doll up anyway, especially now that she was going with Steve. She threw on a red dress with a little white bow tie. Steve wore a nice blue shirt with his normal jacket along with a pair of black dress pants.

The moment he saw Natasha, his eyes lit up. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on. He sauntered up to her with swagger, “you know, I love you for who you are, not your looks. But damn if you aren’t some good-looking eye candy.”

She blushed, adoring the way he complimented her. As much as she wanted to just have fun tonight, she couldn’t stop thinking about what Fury said this morning. After a few minutes of deliberation as they silently headed for the party, she decided that she needed to leave him. As much as she deeply, truly loved him, she realized the relationship was wrong. It was in her character that she was always hiding, darting from one cover to the next, always on the run. And she couldn’t hurt Steve by not being there. She read him like a book and to her it was clear that he needed someone to be there. She thought she could be that one. But the business she was in just didn’t allow for emotions, including love...especially love.

Entering the large room housing the festivities, Natasha and Steve spotted Clint, Bruce and Tony drinking together in the corner. Natasha approached them, needing a distraction from all her thinking. “Hey, boys. Sorry we’re a little late,” she said, choking back the sad quiver in her voice. 

“Fashionably.” Clint joked.

Chatting with the team proved to be just the distraction she needed. She had already pushed away all the troubles plaguing her to have a few good laughs. Suddenly, a lively song blasted over the large speakers at the front of the room. Steve turned to Natasha, wanting to get away from the others, “may I have this dance?” He offered his hand to her and she obliged, taking his hand gingerly.  
He escorted her to the middle of the room where a few other people stood dancing. Together, the two danced for what seemed like an eternity. He taught her a swing dance from the 40s and she was having blast, laughing at all her screw-ups. They seemed to dance the night away yet time seemed to leave them untouched. Around them life was normal, but they were in their own little bubble where normal rules don’t apply. By the end of the night, a slow song played and almost everyone had left or passed out.

Steve made the first move, placing his hands on her hips and she quickly followed, placing hers on his broad shoulders. He gently pulled her closer and she laid her head on his chest as they swayed in unison. The whole world seemed to fall away in little bits until everything was gone. It was just them, alone, with nothing to hold them back. No Fury, no Avengers. He stopped, moving his hands to her face and lifting her chin so their eyes locked. She never really noticed how blue his eyes were. That familiar sensation washed over her. The one that seemed to amplify all her sensations. The one that made the world a better place. Slowly, Steve leaned down and kissed her. They touched their foreheads together as he said, “I love you.” 

Natasha seemed to snap back to reality like a rubber band. She replied, “no,” as she sharply pulled away from him. “I can’t do this. We can’t do this anymore.” Fearing his response, Natasha ran to the balcony to get away from him. Part of her hoped he wouldn’t follow, but then she knew he was persistent and always tried to get what he wants.

A hand gripped her shoulder, and she jumped. “Clint,” she remarked, “what are you doing here?” she seemed to forget that there were other people at that party than just her and Steve.

“I saw you run away just now. What happened?” he asked.

“Oh. You saw that?” she asked, becoming so embarrassed that she felt her face getting hotter and hotter.

“Well, yeah. You guys were only in the middle of the room for everyone to see. Are you guys together? Or was that a spur of the moment thing?” Clint questioned.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s over.” she sounded defeated.

Clint stayed with her out on the balcony until she finally felt ready to go back to Steve, but when she re-entered the room, he was gone. She was relieved. She shuffled over to Bruce and Tony with Clint. She felt dazed, as if she had just snapped out of a trance. Had she really just given up her world?

Without saying a word, she trudged back to her room. As she walked down the long corridor, the colors once again faded and she felt as though her mind was drifting away from her body. Arriving at her room, she opened the door and let herself in, closing it behind her. Suddenly, Steve appeared before her, his clothes looked messy as if he had been working out in them or something of the sort. “Steve?” she asked, trying to see his face in the dark room.

He said nothing. He just stood for a while. Then he finally asked, “do my feelings mean nothing to you? Did all those moments we shared mean nothing to you?” He began to shout, “DOES MY LOVE MEAN NOTHING TO YOU!”

“Steve. I care about you.” she tried to appeal to him as he slowly inched closer.

“Really? You could have fooled me. All that kindness I showed you. I opened up to you!” he was gritting his teeth in anger.

“I opened up to you too. You just don’t understand.” she said.

Without notice, Steve slammed her against the wall as he yelled, “THEN HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND!”

“I can’t,” she didn’t want to tell him her hidden feelings towards him. She knew he would just convince her to stay with him.

He clasped her arms against the wall, near to pushing her through it. “Have it your way then.” He said as she stared up in horror at him.

He was crazed with anger and jealousy and all these negative emotions that buried all the love he had for her. He raised his hand, and, in one smooth motion, brought it down to strike Natasha. She had no heart to fight him back. She wanted to let things take their course, regardless of what it might mean for her. “Steve, this isn’t you.” she tried to reason with him.

Steve said nothing to her. He moved his hand to her throat, raising her up as she struggled against his grip. She kicked the door, trying to get it to open, but to no avail. He wouldn’t let go, no matter what she said or tried to say.

A voice came from behind the door. “Nat?” It was Clint, coming to check on her after hearing the ruckus. 

Steve was resolute, continuing to hold her up against the door. She tried to rip his hands off her neck, but he was too strong. The door flung open, sending Natasha to the ground and pushing Steve backwards. Clint stormed in. He noticed Natasha, trying to get up off the floor as Steve approached her once more. “Steve, stop!” she yelled. But he grabbed her once more, punching her in the face and sending her to the ground again. 

Clint immediately took action, jumping on Steve to try to pull him to the ground. Steve toppled to the floor, letting out a groan of frustration. Clint held his fists up, ready to do anything to protect his best friend. Steve rose to his feet, landing a punch on Clint’s jaw. But Clint was not deterred as he returned the attack, striking fast in rapid succession. He never thought he could go toe-to-toe with Captain America but he seemed to gain immense strength now that he had Natasha to fight for. He kept blocking attacks and striking. The pattern repeated over and over until Steve fell onto one knee. Clint hoped the fight was over. Steve stood, spitting out some blood as he said, “I can do this all day,” in a deep voice, deeper and darker than usual. But Clint was quick to kick him in the head, knocking him out cold. 

He turned to Natasha, who had curled up in the corner, covering her head with her hands. He ran over and crouched beside her, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. He shook her, trying to tell her that she was safe, but she wouldn’t budge. He sat beside her, pulling her into his embrace. She eventually accepted the hug, placing her head on his stomach and holding onto him tightly. “It’s okay,” he said as Natasha succumbed to her sadness, the tears flooding down her cheeks.


	5. Rekindled

Steve laid in a secure holding cell, not yet awake after being knocked out by Clint. Bruce observed him closely, trying to understand what possible force would make him do such a monstrous thing. Or maybe he just didn’t know Steve well enough. Once he opened his eyes, he jumped to his feet, searching the confined space.

“Steve?” Bruce said.

“Let me out, Banner. I have to see Natasha. I have to tell her I’m sorry. What I did-” his sentence broke off.

“Not gonna happen, Steve. Fury’s orders.” Bruce said, scribbling something on his notepad. He moved over to a small machine making a soft whirring noise. 

Pressing a few buttons, the machine opened, revealing a vile of red liquid. “I didn’t imagine you’d be too cooperative now that you’re awake so I went ahead and took a sample of your bleed while you slept.” Bruce informed, staring at a long paper that was ejected from the machine. His eyes slowly got wider and wider as he read the sheet. 

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked.

Bruce quickly looked up, putting the paper behind his back. “Oh, it’s nothing. Just...a standard toxin screen. Everything is totally...normal. Nothing to be worried about.” But after he said that, he sped off to Fury. Bruce rushed up to Fury, informing, “it’s not Steve.”

“What the hell do you mean ‘it’s not Steve’?” Fury responded, confused.

“Well, Steve...he’s not Steve.” Bruce told.

“Banner, start making sense.” Fury ordered.

“You know the guy who’s in that cell who we all think is Steve. Well it is Steve, his body at least. But I found these toxins in his blood and classically they are known to...indoctrinate people. So it’s Steve, but he is not behaving as Steve.” Bruce rapidly explained.

“How long has he been that way?” Fury asked.

“I’d say a few weeks based on the dwindling activity of substance. But the important thing is that I can come up with a cure. It’ll take half a day at most.” Bruce said.

“Good. Get to it.” Fury turned away, he started to question how this could have happened in the first place.

Bruce rushed off back to his lab. On his way he called Clint and informed him of the situation, ending the call saying, “I don’t know if you should tell Natasha. Just wanted to run it by you in case.”

“Ok thanks, Bruce.” Clint hung up the phone, placing it on the floor beside him. He continued to sit with Natasha in the same place on the floor. She laid in his lap, occasionally falling asleep, but always waking up to a nightmare mere minutes later. Clint comforted her as much as she could but she seemed to be on another planet, alone with her thoughts.

It took her a while, but she eventually snapped out of it. It took a lot of compartmentalization, but she managed to push aside her feelings aside once more in order to find the strength to keep going. She stood up as Clint looked at her with worried eyes. “Let’s go do something.” she said.

Clint was confused, but went along with it. He wanted to make her feel better and if that meant following her to go shopping or something, he’d do it. He followed her all the way down the hall before asking, “where are we going?”

“I want to kill something.” she remarked, keeping stride.

“Oh. I don’t think that’s too healthy for emotion management.” he said.

“Don’t care.” she replied.

 

Natasha and Clint arrived back at Stark tower almost 12 hours later, laughing. They just took out a whole platoon of boys in another “super secret” Hydra base. On top of that, they also saw a movie, grabbed some chinese food and they did some other mundane things. She already felt better. Clint threw his arm around her as they entered the building. 

Natasha’s head was down as she giggled at the really awful jokes Clint was telling her. When she looked up, she noticed Steve sitting on one of the black leather couches in the lobby. She paused, staring at him. But he soon noticed her and approached slowly, making sure to stand a good distance away. He said, “I’m sorry.”

Natasha sped up to him and slapped him in the face with fortitude. Backing off after to see what he’d do. 

All he said was, “I deserved that.”

Clint turned to Natasha and whispered to her, “there may have been a few things I wasn’t telling you. Bruce found out that Steve was...brainwashed I guess. He has been for a few weeks. Better now I guess.”

Natasha flashed back to the Hydra base a couple weeks ago. She left Steve alone while she went and found that info for Fury. Is it possible that they did something to him in that 10 minute span that she wasn’t with him. But then she thought about her relationship with Steve. Was that just the indoctrination too? She didn’t know what to believe anymore. She wasn’t sure how to react. He didn’t really hurt her and yet it was her fault that he did. If she had just been there for him instead of finding that data. Tentatively, she walked towards him. Before he could say anything, she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. But it didn’t last long before Natasha released him and sped away, leaving them both behind.

Natasha laid on her bed, wondering why she was the way she was. Why was she so ready to give up everything she cared about? And so she sat alone, silently pondering to herself. Outside her door, Steve stood. He wanted to talk to her more, to be with her and help her. But he knew it would only lead to more trouble. And so he just stood.

A week passed and Steve continued to keep his distance. The guilt was eating away at him every single minute of every single day yet he understood the importance of wanting to be alone. The least he could do at that point was respect her wishes. He couldn’t help but notice her sometimes though. Occasionally, he would just see her standing or talking to someone, and he would just look at her, but always he moved on.

All the Avengers were paged into a meeting room with Fury standing at the window, his hands behind his back as he stared out at the city below. Once everyone took a seat at the large wooden table in the center of the room, he spoke, “We recently heard word that Loki’s scepter is located in a Hydra facility remotely situated in northern Canada.” Fury observed Natasha looking towards Steve. He said, “I understand there may be some lingering tensions between you guys as individuals. But you are a team, a unit. It’s time to act like it. Dismissed.”

The team split up, each going to get ready for the mission. Natasha walked to her room. Steve, heading in the same direction, made sure to keep well behind her. They each got their uniforms on, armed and ready for a tough fight. Natasha approached Tony, who was not yet in his suit, and said, “how are we getting to Canada?”  
Tony chuckled. “I have my ways.” He led the team up the tower. There was a vast room that led out to a huge balcony type structure. Except this balcony held the Quinjet. “Here’s our ride.”

“Perfect. I’ll drive” Clint said.

The team waited quietly in the Quinjet. Clint was flying as Tony listened to some AC/DC in one corner and Bruce sat with his head down in another. Natasha and Steve sat on polar opposite sides of the jet, their gazes cast downward. Natasha looked up at him. She wanted to know more about what had happened and what had been happening. She slowly approached, saying, “Can you tell me something?”

“Always.” he replied, directing his stare at her.

“When exactly did that whole body taken over, mind repressed thing happen to you?”

He hesitated, not really wanting to go back to that memory, but he knew he owed Natasha answers. “Back at the Hydra facility, after I told you I found the hostages. Some guy...snuck up on me. I thought it was you at first, the way you sneak. But when he came into the light…” he trailed off. “I don’t really know what happened next. I just remember waking up and you were there and yet I couldn’t do anything.”

She looked down, her fears confirmed. Clint, from the pilot seat, said “landing in half a minute.”

But there was more she longed to know, “The relationship we had. That I had with...whatever was controlling you. Was any of it real?” she asked.

“Landing now.” Clint informed as the Quinjet touched the ground with a small tremble. The whole team unloaded save for Natasha and Steve. 

“Nat, I’m not gonna lie to you. I couldn’t control anything, I could only watch as my body acted on its own. So I guess it was kinda fake in that regard. But the feelings...that love we had...that was very, unmistakably real.” he winked as he walked out with the rest of the team.


	6. Sleep

Natasha was alone in the Quinjet, running Steve’s words through her head over and over again until Clint appeared next to her. He said, “are you coming or what?” She followed him, still smiling to herself as she thought back to Steve. She tried to push him out of her head so she could complete the mission, but he wouldn’t budge. 

They Avengers tuck close together, scoping out the huge base for a possible point of entry. Tony had Jarvis scan the entire thing but it was shut tight. They either were hiding something big here or they were using this base as a distraction for something else somewhere else. 

“Clint and I will head northeast and see if we can’t find anything over there.” Natasha said.

“Okay, I’ll take Steve northwest. Bruce, it’s veggie time.” Tony said.

Bruce stood, trying to work up an anger but to no avail. He couldn’t seem to turn green. Tony, becoming super impatient, picked Bruce up and flew way up high, dropping him. It didn’t take long before the big guy was out and raging for a fight. Natasha took a step back. She always felt a little fear when she saw him turning into the other guy. The team split up.

Natasha and Clint ran together, their weapons not yet drawn. They each kept their footsteps quiet as they treaded through the snow. Natasha signaled for Clint to stop as she spotted a man with what looked like a sword. “I got this one.” She snuck up behind the man, ensuring nobody else was around and she mercilessly choked him with a black wire.

They pushed forward, getting closer and closer to the compound. Ahead they spotted 4 enemies, one in a lookout tower, and 3 standing alongside the road behind some piled up sandbags. They crouched, getting out of sight as Clint said, “I’ll hit that guard in the tower and you rush in and pick off the other 3.”

Natasha nodded, ready to move. Clint’s arrow launched from his bow and straight into the guard’s head. He toppled over and the other 3 looked to the tower in surprise. Natasha took this distraction to charge them. She hopped onto one man’s shoulders, snapping his neck with her thighs and pulling him down to knock a second man down. The third man approached her, his sword drawn. Cocking her head, she said, “hasn’t anyone told you not to bring a knife to a bow fight?” And an arrow flew into his head. Turning around, Natasha saw the second man struggling to his feet. “Leave this one to me Clint. This is gonna be fun.” She waited for the man to get up, wanting a real fight.

He stood, his nose already bleeding. Pulling out his sword, he went in to attack her but she dodged him. He turned to face her once more. He tried to attack once more, but Natasha stopped his arm with hers. He dropped his sword into his other hands but Natasha once again blocked the attack. Suddenly, the thoughts that she tried to push away flooded back to her. Thoughts of Steve and love and all these other things that were proving to just be a distraction. She tried to clear her mind and not get killed at the same time, but it was proving difficult. The man knocked her down and just as he raised his sword, an arrow tip appeared through his chest and he fell forward. She rolled away, avoiding his body from toppling onto her. “Sorry, Nat.” Clint said. “I thought you needed some help.”

Natasha brushed the white snow off her black suit as she said, “thanks.” She shook her head, trying to get her head back in the game. The thoughts went away...for now. She addressed the rest of the team when she said, “approach point east secured.”

“Good. I thought you were having some trouble, Miss Romanoff.” Tony walked in his iron man suit just beside Steve as they neared a guard checkpoint. It was about 5 guys all huddled by a green truck. “Does that thing have a silent mode?” Steve asked Regarding the suit.

“No.” Tony said as he jettisoned off to take out the men. Steve shook his head, not understanding how that man’s head worked. He sprinted behind as Tony shot at the truck, making it explode in a brilliant fiery haze.

Clint, concerned, asked them, “Was that loud explosion you guys? Do you need assistance?”

“I’ll get back to you on that,” Steve said, throwing his shield at the men trying to get off the ground after being knocked down by the explosion. “That’s a negative on that assistance, Barton. West approach secured.”

“Okay team, move up.” Tony ordered.

“Who made you team captain?” Natasha joked.

“I’m sensing a little jealousy here. Let me tell you about being a leader. You need to be trusted. I hate to break it to you but you’re not trustworthy. I mean, name one good thing you’ve ever done.” Tony commented.

“Ask Rhodes. I did save his life after all,” she referred to the Vanko incident.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. That was Natalie Rushman.” Tony sassed.

Steve interrupted, “this banter is good and all but let’s save it for later. The mission takes priority.”

As each team reached the main base, a huge crash could be heard. Natasha said, “Was that hulk?” 

Tony said, “Whatever it was, we’re likely to get swamped by hostiles soon. I’ll head up to the top and work my way down through the building. We need to find that scepter.”

Clint stopped him, “take me, too. I need to get a good vantage point so take me up.”

“Get your own suit,” Tony joked.

Natasha and Clint ran towards the source of the sound and so did Steve. Eventually they met in the middle and Tony grabbed Clint, taking him up to the top of the compound. Natasha and Steve found a large, hulk-sized hole through the perimeter wall. “That’s a way to get something done.” Steve laughed. The hulk charged towards the back of the building.

They noticed what seemed to be an army of men charging out the front door of the building. “Here goes nothing.” Natasha remarked as they both stood beside each other, beginning to fight. But as Natasha shot the men and Steve threw his shield repeatedly, another army of men came from behind them. Natasha and Steve stood back to back, trying to keep the men as far from them as possible. She tried to shoot once more but the clip was empty. She tossed her pistol to the side, putting her fists up. She wasn’t about to leave Steve’s back uncovered. She slid in the snow, tripping a few of the men with one sweep of her leg, and they tumbled like dominoes. They fought and fought, but the flow of enemies didn’t cease or even slow down for that matter. Their arms and legs hurt and their battle wounds hurt even more. Blood trickled down the left side of Natasha’s face from an earlier head injury. Steve’s nose bled and he had a fat lip from a guy who got a few hits on him.

Tony searched the building, shooting anyone he saw as he went by. A scan by Jarvis revealed no sign of the scepter. He was beginning to doubt that this base had what they were looking for. He headed for the front doors to help out Natasha and Steve.

Natasha was thrown against the wall, but she recovered quickly, not focusing on the bruise that would likely form on her back later. But a man was running up to Steve, his sword extended. Natasha sprinted for him, throwing him against the ground and throwing a small knife into his throat. But what she didn’t see coming was a sharp pain in her stomach. Was it from the way she landed against that wall? She looked down, time moving so slowly. She saw a tip of something shiny, a metal, jutting out of her. She looked towards Steve who hadn’t yet noticed her. It was then that she released she was a little too slow. She called to Steve as the man behind her pulled his sword out of her torso. She fell to the ground as Steve turned to her. He roared, fighting harder than ever as he seemed to attack 20 men all at once with one strike. 

Suddenly, the hulk jumped over to them, throwing all the attackers away. Then Tony flew out threw the front doors, taking out anyone in his way. The fighting ceased. Steve rushed to Natasha, sitting her up on his lap as all the others watched, sadness in their eyes. The Hulk stopped feeling angry, changing back to Bruce Banner in a matter of seconds. Steve placed his hand over the hole in her stomach, trying to stop the blood flow. 

Natasha laughed slightly, blood seeping out her mouth. “I was a little slow.” she said. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no. Don’t be sorry.” tears welled up in his eyes.

“Don’t you cry, Steve. That’s my job.” she was trying to maintain a humorous outlook. She moaned in pain, her lips and face becoming paler as the blood left. “I just have…” she coughed, “one more question. Why do we always end up near each other?”

“Because I’ll go wherever you will go and I won’t have it any other way. Just stay strong, Nat. We can get you back to the Quinjet. We’ll have Banner take a look at you.” Steve pleaded for her to hold on.

“No, Steve. I know what’s gonna happen. I will...die. And that’s okay, because you are alive.” tears now fell from both their eyes. “There was so much more I wanted to do...with you. This doesn’t feel right. I’m…” she spit up more blood, “supposed to feel cold. But I...feel...happy. I feel content,” she remarked weakly, her breathing becoming shallow.

“I need you, Nat.” Steve said. “I love you.”

“I...love you...more.” she said, her eyes becoming heavier and heavier now. "Lay with me, Steve. At least until I fall asleep." 

"Of course." he said, rubbing her back. 

Her eyes slowly closed as she finally was able to sleep in the arms of Steve Rogers. 

Steve sat in his room. All he could think about was Natasha. The look on her face as they had their last little conversation, she seemed content. He held her pistol in his hands, smuggled from her locker. He thought back to what he said to her as he muttered in little above a whisper to himself, “I’ll go...wherever you will go.” He cocked the pistol, aiming it right between his eyes.

Bang


End file.
